The Art of Getting a Job!

So these days, after careful observation, I've come to a conclusion. To get a job you want but not generally deserve you need a lot of talent. By talent I don't mean skills that help you on the job, but skills other than what you need at the job.

Call me a cynic, but you need to observe your surroundings to see what am about to say is quite true. Look at the 50 colleagues who work with you. Look at the people who got the highest increment this year. Was it skill for the job or was it skill other than the job? No no no... I don't mean people sleeping with other people type thing... that's actually the simplest & easiest way to get a promotion / job/ increment & it generally doesn't take too much talent to even do that!! And frankly these days sleeping with boss is considered quite outdated...

Nope. There are other skills that you require to get to the lucrative postings, jobs, perks & pay. These skills are not necessarily taught in any B schools / media schools. They are learnt on the job. There are some of us who go through every stage & step in life believing that that's the way to be. And then there are some who just want to fly to the top. And most often they do. They don't last very long but well we all look at short term gains so who cares right?!

So here are some of my observations of getting a job. Its an Art perfected by many I know and many you know.

1. Have great self PR & self Marketing skills. You need to have the ability to constantly talk about yourself in a way that people think the world will collapse without you. You need to harp about every shot you take, every move you make all & sundry irrespective of whether they want to know or not.

2. Have a GodMother or GodFather. They are the ones you need to carry shopping bags for, care for their pets even if it triggers off allergies, play with their kids. These are the adopted parents in your industry who will call you their 'bacha' 'baby' and some such name and will get you a position with pay & perks when you don't even deserve it.

3. Ensure you overrate yourself & spread yourself over social media. Out of sight is not an option

4. Accept all party invitations even if that show or project has nothing to do with you. Even if all you did was order pizza for the team, ensure you present it in a way that people think you're the reason the team was alive. (that takes some serious skills!!)

5. Lastly, ensure you have no skills that are required for the job that your vying for. A good looking person or personality will generally open more doors for you than actually having the right credentials. Yes, time to hit the gym, spa & other essentials. Plus if you have a car to ferry around the seniors you've got an advantage.

Birthday Parties...Then & Now

Last evening I attended my niece's 5th birthday. There were many little ones in that hall, everyone sugar rushed to say the least & generally having a frolicking time. When it was time to cut the cake all the little ones gathered around that cake like it was the last thing they were ever going to taste. It was a matter of seconds before the birthday girl had cut a piece & all the kids had torn up the lovely cake with their mothers looking on with delight.

It took me several years into the past when we would have birthday parties at home. Yes, we would have birthday parties at home! There would be a square shaped standard choc cake, with gems on it with a happy birthday message written very blandly. There would be wafers, chutney sandwiches, rasna or gold spot depending on our parents budget & mood, maybe samosas & a possibility of a home made pav bhajji. That was it. We would eat in paper plates and were expected to finish what we had on our plates. Even one morsel left, would translate into a one hour lecture about 'poor children eating out of garbage cans & we were the lucky few to actually have food in our plates'. I swear I would actually eat everything just out of sheer guilt. That habit stands today too.

Our entertainment was some English dance numbers, antakshari & maybe pin the donkey if our mothers found the time. We were atleast 10 kids in one room, left unsupervised by our parents, to just play & eat. I don't have any memory of anyone falling, getting injured, hurt or food poisoned till date. Our mothers would pick us up at designated times & we went home with a return gift the size of our palm. Even when we got birthday presents, we had to politely wait till everyone had left to open them. Back then we ate what was given & asking for second helping would mean a stern stare from our mothers where we almost stopped breathing.

Birthday Parties today are all about the parents more than the child. My friends (the girls parents) were busy catering to adult egos & children egos more than enjoying their daughter's birthday. I know that they other mothers would've scrutinized my friends choice in clothes, food, decorations, return gifts, the birthday girl's dress etc. Where back then we would be concerned about having a good time & had non competitive mothers, today the children are all engaged in one-up-man-ship with their peers at this tender age rather than just enjoying their childhood. I think it stems from parents wanting to outdo each other. Its a vicious cycle they keep perpetuating. No one wants to look like the parent who didn't take the effort. When we were kids our birthday parties were standard, uniformed & well lots of fun.

I really wish parents would ease up a bit & let their children be. Yes birthdays & other events are important, but so is growing up with ease. I hope these kids don't grow up before their time, because frankly there's no substitute for childhood.