The Art of Getting a Job!

So these days, after careful observation, I've come to a conclusion. To get a job you want but not generally deserve you need a lot of talent. By talent I don't mean skills that help you on the job, but skills other than what you need at the job.

Call me a cynic, but you need to observe your surroundings to see what am about to say is quite true. Look at the 50 colleagues who work with you. Look at the people who got the highest increment this year. Was it skill for the job or was it skill other than the job? No no no... I don't mean people sleeping with other people type thing... that's actually the simplest & easiest way to get a promotion / job/ increment & it generally doesn't take too much talent to even do that!! And frankly these days sleeping with boss is considered quite outdated...

Nope. There are other skills that you require to get to the lucrative postings, jobs, perks & pay. These skills are not necessarily taught in any B schools / media schools. They are learnt on the job. There are some of us who go through every stage & step in life believing that that's the way to be. And then there are some who just want to fly to the top. And most often they do. They don't last very long but well we all look at short term gains so who cares right?!

So here are some of my observations of getting a job. Its an Art perfected by many I know and many you know.

1. Have great self PR & self Marketing skills. You need to have the ability to constantly talk about yourself in a way that people think the world will collapse without you. You need to harp about every shot you take, every move you make all & sundry irrespective of whether they want to know or not.

2. Have a GodMother or GodFather. They are the ones you need to carry shopping bags for, care for their pets even if it triggers off allergies, play with their kids. These are the adopted parents in your industry who will call you their 'bacha' 'baby' and some such name and will get you a position with pay & perks when you don't even deserve it.

3. Ensure you overrate yourself & spread yourself over social media. Out of sight is not an option

4. Accept all party invitations even if that show or project has nothing to do with you. Even if all you did was order pizza for the team, ensure you present it in a way that people think you're the reason the team was alive. (that takes some serious skills!!)

5. Lastly, ensure you have no skills that are required for the job that your vying for. A good looking person or personality will generally open more doors for you than actually having the right credentials. Yes, time to hit the gym, spa & other essentials. Plus if you have a car to ferry around the seniors you've got an advantage.

Birthday Parties...Then & Now

Last evening I attended my niece's 5th birthday. There were many little ones in that hall, everyone sugar rushed to say the least & generally having a frolicking time. When it was time to cut the cake all the little ones gathered around that cake like it was the last thing they were ever going to taste. It was a matter of seconds before the birthday girl had cut a piece & all the kids had torn up the lovely cake with their mothers looking on with delight.

It took me several years into the past when we would have birthday parties at home. Yes, we would have birthday parties at home! There would be a square shaped standard choc cake, with gems on it with a happy birthday message written very blandly. There would be wafers, chutney sandwiches, rasna or gold spot depending on our parents budget & mood, maybe samosas & a possibility of a home made pav bhajji. That was it. We would eat in paper plates and were expected to finish what we had on our plates. Even one morsel left, would translate into a one hour lecture about 'poor children eating out of garbage cans & we were the lucky few to actually have food in our plates'. I swear I would actually eat everything just out of sheer guilt. That habit stands today too.

Our entertainment was some English dance numbers, antakshari & maybe pin the donkey if our mothers found the time. We were atleast 10 kids in one room, left unsupervised by our parents, to just play & eat. I don't have any memory of anyone falling, getting injured, hurt or food poisoned till date. Our mothers would pick us up at designated times & we went home with a return gift the size of our palm. Even when we got birthday presents, we had to politely wait till everyone had left to open them. Back then we ate what was given & asking for second helping would mean a stern stare from our mothers where we almost stopped breathing.

Birthday Parties today are all about the parents more than the child. My friends (the girls parents) were busy catering to adult egos & children egos more than enjoying their daughter's birthday. I know that they other mothers would've scrutinized my friends choice in clothes, food, decorations, return gifts, the birthday girl's dress etc. Where back then we would be concerned about having a good time & had non competitive mothers, today the children are all engaged in one-up-man-ship with their peers at this tender age rather than just enjoying their childhood. I think it stems from parents wanting to outdo each other. Its a vicious cycle they keep perpetuating. No one wants to look like the parent who didn't take the effort. When we were kids our birthday parties were standard, uniformed & well lots of fun.

I really wish parents would ease up a bit & let their children be. Yes birthdays & other events are important, but so is growing up with ease. I hope these kids don't grow up before their time, because frankly there's no substitute for childhood.

Thought Bubbles

Ever wanted to say something really badly and the thought just lingered in your head and you couldn't get yourself to say it...I face this situation a lot and as a defense mechanism revert to Thought bubbles..yes like in comic strips you have people with a little bubble on their heads saying something, its exactly like that...i love the idea of a thought bubble...it fascinates me as...I love guessing what people are saying and what they're actually trying to say...

Writing was easier earlier...

I've realised am a lazy writer. Either I write too much or too little. Its just never perfect. The words are not complete and neither are my sentences. Its like my mind & my typing speed & my education in language skills are just not in sync. They all are like arguing, debating political parties, where each one wants to prove his superiority against the other. I write, then rewrite, then erase and maybe end up writing the same thing again. On good days the word flows, on bad days I get stuck after about two lines. There was a time, when I would love writing with an ink pen on a recycled paper, the smell of the paper, fresh ink, hand stained with constant wiping of the pen, the pink blotting paper kept on the side, just in case the ink spills and most often it would.

It was so easy to write then. When we knew that paper was expensive and that space was less, hence the words would be measured. No meandering thoughts, no long pauses, no time for laziness. Every word would have a meaning, and for every thought there would be a word. Such elegance where one would sit back and look at those lovely pages filled with words & thoughts. Those pages & diaries would be kept at the back of the cupboard where no one would have access to them. I miss that writing. I miss writing. Every time I promise myself I will write more, I don't. Lets hope this time around I continue this for atleast sometime to come.

Women and footwear

Shoes / Footwear/ Heels / Sandals call it what you like, but women can't seem to get enough of this ever...there's is a strange connection between shoes and women...One can tell a lot about a woman depending on what she is wearing in her feet...Even if a woman has enough pairs to match with all her clothes she would want one more pair- why? because there's always that one perfect pair missing [its always going to be missing!] Mind you, selecting a pair is as much as a task as buying them and keeping them...its like a hobby...you just have to indulge in it whenever possible...its like how men like talking about cars, women like talking about shoes.

A few days back I was at an exhibition for wedding stuff...and all sorts of women turned out for it..in all kinds of footwear. There were women with flat sandals - the practical sensible variety who really were there to shop, then there were the PYTs in their strappies - the latest pickups from shopping websites, there were aunties who decided to put all their body weight [and that's a lot of body weight we're talking about] onto 3 inch thick heels with which they could barely walk forget strut...

What intrigued me most were the aunties in their heels. It looked like they were all competing to see who could walk the slowest...You know just looking at them, amused me...here were a bunch of ladies who were well into their late forties, early fifties and yet the confidence with which they walked in their heels was nothing less than amusing...After being on their feet for over 2 hours they could barely stand and yet they somehow managed to drag themselves everywhere, not once taking a break. I felt a bit sorry for their tired soles [souls]. 

Why do women wear these monstrously invented heels and torture themselves? How can one expect two poor looking 3 inch long wooden pegs to hold sooo much body weight? Makes me want to ask - what were you thinking??

Sach ka Saamna

The one show that I've worked on which will stay with me for a long time to come will be Sach ka Saamna. The people who came on the show and the things they said just made me redefine the values that some of us grew up with. 

Some people call the show against Indian culture whereas some say its just pervert viewing. Yet its all these people and many more who watch the show and love others dirty laundry getting washed in public. Yes its voyeuristic watching but honestly I find nothing wrong in the show. If there are people who want to confess the things they do, then why stop them? Atleast they're honest enough to admit to the secrets we live with everyday and refuse to acknowledge. 

The show besides bringing me closer to reality has also made me non judgmental about people. Everyone has a reason to do what they do. It might sound illogical to some and nonsensical to some, but there's a reason to every action. Although it still makes me wonder, why people would ever come onto the show besides of course the money...Do they really want to speak the truth or they want their 15 mins of fame...The stories range from the extra ordinary to the bizarre to the ones where you just want to beat the person up. But these are they're stories, things that they have done to other people and the thoughts that make them who they are. Each story a unique experience and each story has a different ending. 

Thought Bubbles

Ever been a time, when someone is chatting with you and all you can think of is passing really smart comments on what they're saying without actually saying it aloud? It happens to me all the time. My boredom threshold is really low and when some people make inane conversation I get these absurd thought bubbles...like the other day someone I know, was talking about some stuff that was going on in his life...and I had zero interest in what he was saying, yet needed to give polite replies to chatter...so I resorted to thought bubbles and the conversation turned fun...Its like having a what-they-say and what-they-really-mean virtual chat with yourself...You should try it out...its super fun and an assured way to get through absolute dull boring to death chats which one is subjected to all the time...Just make sure that you don't start giggling and smiling to yourself [like I do sometimes] because then it looks like your unsympathetic and a bad listener...I manage to get away by telling people that I was just trying to spread some cheer in their otherwise dull dreary life...But it might not work all the time ....Give it a shot...Thought bubbles are huge fun...